“Handling Criticism Gracefully”

“There is only one way to avoid criticism. Do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” Aristotle

Criticism can be difficult to digest, especially if you were expecting praise or indifference, but there are some simple ways to make it more palatable, and turn what feels like judgement, into an endorsement for good. The most important part of the process, which is where we shall begin, is with identifying the source of the criticism, as that will ultimately determine how you proceed.

Whoever the source of the criticism is, you must take into account their relationship to you in its current state. No matter who you are dealing with, they have their own perceptions of reality, their own emotional state, and their own unique relationship with you or lack thereof, which directly impacts both the nature and delivery of their criticism of you, your work, and/or the current circumstances.

If a colleague is critical of your work, perhaps unbeknownst to you, they may view you as competition within the company and their aim is to tear down or delay what they know to be solid work. On the other end, overly positive praise from the same source, especially if out of character, can indicate that they do not want to give you feedback that could improve your work, for the same reasons. Alternatively, your colleague may just be having a difficult time, either at work or home, and perhaps their criticism is more emotionally driven and not a reflection of you but of themselves. In one of my previous posts, “Wisdom of The Experienced,” where I interviewed people of advanced age and inquired about the best advice they had been given, or would give to others, one gentleman said, “Be skeptical of people, but also hope for the best in people.” You do not want to be naive and think everyone has your best interests in mind, in the same way, you do not want to assume the opposite either. It is best to think logically about who you are interacting with, what the circumstances are, and proceed accordingly. You MUST be honest with yourself. We are often quick to defend ourselves, and look past our own flaws and mistakes, and consequently, can view something as criticism or harsh judgement, when perhaps its intent is to honestly help us to see where we can do better. I have always enjoyed the notion that a good friend tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Being honest with yourself, and the about the situation, can only help you to navigate it more effectively.

No matter what you determine about the source, take such criticism with grace, simply stating “your feedback has been acknowledged, thank you.” Such a statement or one similar, disarms any potential that the criticism was crafted to incite an argument, or an unnecessary discussion that will take away from your focus or otherwise. In addition, you are acknowledging them, maintaining a stance of respect from your position and most importantly, you are choosing to move forwards with your day and a with a positive attitude.

Remember, you cannot control what others say and do to you, but you can control how you react. Keep this in mind with all interactions moving forwards, and you will be better for it.

You must also acknowledge, that any time you speak, post something on social media, or perform an action that involves other people, you are opening yourself up to potential criticism. Understanding this allows you to be aware of and ready for it when it does present itself. When it does arrive, you must determine the value of such criticism and evaluate what positives you can take from it. In order to do this, you must look at the circumstances. If you are being evaluated at your job, understand that it is common practice to incorporate both positive and constructive feedback into such a process, with the intent of encouraging you to build on your strengths, and enlightening you on areas where you can improve. If the constructive feedback feels more like a personal attack, then consider what was discussed above, and proceed with grace.

I used to coach golf, and I always strived to strike balance between praise and constructive feedback, as both are equally important. Praise helps to reinforce the positive growth, and efforts of the golfer while feedback provides meaningful input to where they can improve, and how to better understand the game so they can respect the course and others, and most importantly, enjoy the game for years to come.

Life is hard and you must be ready for unexpected events, conversations, and situations. It is through these times that character is built, resiliency is forged, and inner strength is developed. In reading this post, I hope you understand that the driving forces here lie in your mindset, and with situational awareness. Do not be quick to judge, or perceive judgement, without first considering the situation for what it is. Most importantly, understand that you can choose to look at any difficult situation, any criticism, or challenge as an opportunity to learn and grow, and I advise you to do just that.

I hope you enjoyed this post, and as always, take care, God bless, and be well.

Written by: Man with a plan aka Jeffrey Kalinoski